Adventures in Parenting

Years and years ago I saw an interview between Martha Beck and Oprah. If you don't know who Martha Beck is, I have to highly recommend her book, Expecting Adam--with a major grain of salt. Unfortunately the lady has nothing nice to say about my religion (0ver and over again throughout the course of the book...) and I can't help but take issue with that (I think the lady so misses the mark that it is truly sad.) But if you can look past that, it is a very interesting book. The book is about her pregnancy with a Down's Syndrome child. In the interview, Oprah was asking her about parenting that child (Adam), who at the time had to have been at least 10. One of the things I remember Martha saying was, "I never do anything for him that he can do for himself." Huh. So this kid was washing dishes, doing all his own laundry, probably filing his family's yearly taxes for all I know. The point was, she taught him to do it, to do it right and then expected him to do it.

I have not been exactly good at that.

I know why. I am a CONTROL FREAK. Over-the-top, dyed in the wool, tried and true control freak. To say that I like a clean house would be a bit of an understatement. To say that I want the house cleaned MY WAY or the HIGHWAY...well, do eleven-year-old girls like Justin Bieber? Does the government like to overspend? Do policemen like Krispy Kremes?? You get the idea. I can't help it. I happen to think I have a beautiful house and it makes me so, so very happy when it is clean. And so I've done it. All. For years now. Not only cleaned the whole house, but cleaned all the kids' rooms. My way. And I have started to get the slightest bit, um, resentful.

I've realized in the past few months that I very, very rarely take the time to do things I want to do. And I'm not talking about big, major time-sucking things, either. Like wow, I can't even remember the last time I read a book. Or sometimes I just have the urge to make something cute. Or write. Rarely have the time. And when I do take the time, the house suffers. And then the family suffers. And why? Because not only am I cooking and cleaning and working out and volunteering at the school and taking care of all my household and church responsibilities (which is fine, because as a stay-at-home mom, I think those are part of my "job"), but I have been cleaning up after my kids every single day. Cleaning their rooms, making their beds, putting their dirty laundry into the hamper.

NO MORE. I stopped a few weeks ago, and let me tell you it has been liberating!!! I took some time one Saturday to walk them step by step through making their own beds. And now they are in charge of that every day. And they are in charge of keeping their own rooms clean. And no, it doesn't look like it would if I was doing it. But I think that is why they invented doors. I just close them. :)

They are not doing their own laundry or filing taxes...yet. Baby steps. I'll get there.