Home Alone

Ryan has been gone this entire week. I think the last time he traveled for work was when he came out here to interview for his current job. So, well over two years ago. Before Lincoln. Before we had four.

Admittedly, I have been worried about how this week would go. I warned my mom I might be calling her (a lot) to vent. I tried to plan things in the afternoons so that the days would go smoothly once the kids were home from school. Surprisingly enough, it really hasn't been bad at all! Hard, yes. But I survived and I don't think I did any permanent damage...that is until today.

I'm tired. I don't sleep as well when Ryan is gone. It is also emotionally exhausting to be a single parent. These are my excuses for what happened. My patience was wearing thin as I was making lunch--trying to get something everyone likes (never happens), trying to make sure the girls are all ready for school, trying to eat something myself since I volunteer at the school on Fridays and thinking about a million other things. Lincoln was being cranky and needy and I was losing my temper with him. Suddenly he walked over to me, hugged my leg and said, "I love you Mommy." Then--just to twist the knife deeper into my heart--he said, "Mommy, you mean at me?" (I think he meant are you mad at me, but I was being a little mean to that sweet little boy.) Oh my gosh, I just about lost it. I told him he broke my heart and then he apologized for that!

Hopefully he won't remember it. I know I won't ever forget.