Thoughts

Wow, it has been a rough week. A week ago today is the day that my friend walked in and found her baby not breathing. Yesterday we went to the funeral. I have really tried in the last week to not let myself think about being in her place. Selfish as it may seem, it was just too painful for me to put myself there. But yesterday as we saw that tiny casket carried into the room with the family following behind, I couldn't help but think about my own children and how I don't even think I would have the strength to walk behind a small casket that held one of them.

The funeral was beautiful. My friend's sister read some words that my friend had written and they were so powerful. She doesn't feel sorry for herself, she just finds blessings in her experiences. They had all the children in attendance get up and sing, "The Family is of God" which is a new primary song this year and they did a wonderful job. The spirit was very strong throughout the whole funeral. The room was just full of love. All day long I felt so full of love for my own family and friends.

Ryan took off work to go with me and we took Isaac. I didn't think the younger kids would make it through with the required level of reverence. The girls have had a hard time grasping the whole situation. Right after she died, they kept praying that Baby Katherine would get better. Then after I repeatedly told them that she was with Heavenly Father now, they started praying that Baby Katherine would come back. Now they are praying that Baby Katherine's family won't be sad anymore.

I was so grateful to have Ryan there at the funeral with me. I didn't realize how hard it would be--even though it was beautiful and spiritual, it was hard. After the funeral, Ryan went back to work and Isaac went home to the babysitter and I went with a friend to the cemetery for the graveside service. Again, the spirit was very strong and I was so impressed by this wonderful family and their faith and strength in adversity.

I am so grateful for my family and although I wish this horrible tragedy had never happened, I am very grateful for the perspective on life it has given me.